3 posts tagged “family”

my cousin had her baby, madelyn. today, i was taken to the ER after fainting at work. after five or six hours of tests, they found my medication had an adverse reaction and needs to be stopped. the doctors and nurses were really great and attentive and let me sleep with the lights off while they did tests. upstairs, my cousin was recovering from her c-section, and my mom (who came to the hospital) went upstairs to see her, with my camera phone, and took some pictures so i could see the baby.

and honestly, i don't care that the baby stole my future baby's name anymore, she's so beautiful and has the thickest head of brown hair i've ever seen a newborn have.

things haven't so much as changed as my mind somehow has over the past couple of weeks. maybe it's because i expected this winter to be so mild and the past week has been absolutely kicking my ass. a couple of days ago i just woke up feeling totally out of place and unhappy. i went to my cousin's baby shower yesterday and seeing my family reaffirmed this and i told jake i was ready to pack up and leave. this made him uncomfortable becasue he has a year or two of school left and doesn't know where he wants to do grad school-- i told him to look into UGA or AAU so we could rent a small house near the lake in athens or savannah near my sister and brother.

all i can think about is being there. i can feel it, smell it, everything. i think about how slow the days go there, the peach vendors on the side of neverending country roads, the thousands of trees and red clay soil all over the roads and cars, swimming with my nephews and having a glass of wine on the porch with my sister. i get so inspired by it and am ready to pack my things and go. i know another year or two at safeguard will be beneficial, i'll have 3 years experience working with the mortgage industry and that can transfer just about anywhere in america. i had this dream two nights ago that i opened my dream business in the historic district of savannah and was able to create and sew and be passionate about things and lazy and happy with life.

and i looked out the window and saw 2" of ice on my windshield and took the 30 minute drive to my uninspired job on icy roads with unhappy new york drivers, worked 9 hours, came home, ate dinner, watched television, and went to sleep. i feel so stunted sometimes like i don't even have the motivation to pick up a book or take a walk. buffalo can be fantastic and beautiful but after years and years of it and being the type of person to get easily affected by essentially anything, i need to slow down.

vacation is planned for july, finally, a whole week there.

i've always heard like horror stories about someone telling their friends their future children's planned names, their friend having a baby first and choosing the name for their child, and so on. seriously i must have heard something about this happening maybe a week ago and planned to quit telling anyone about my plan to name my first daughter/son. so this morning i receive an e-mail from my mother reminding me that my cousin's baby shower is next week and she's registered at target to go pick something up from both of us. she mentions that natalie will be naming the baby "madilyn kathleen". i see "madilyn" and don't think anything about it, but as i pronounce it in my head i think, madilyn, MADELINE?? THAT IS MY NAME!!!!